March 4, 2009

Tech Support....Njoy



1) Tech Support             : 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
Customer                      : 'Ok.'
Tech Support                 : 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer                      : 'No.'
Tech Support                 : 'Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer                      : 'No.'
Tech Support                 : 'Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'
Customer                      : 'Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'
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2) Customer      : 'I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.'
Tech                 : 'Did you install the update?'
Customer          : 'No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?'
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3)Customer       : 'I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word.'
Tech                 : 'Tell me what you've done.'
Customer          : 'I typed 'A: SETUP'.'
Tech                 : 'Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.'  
Customer          : 'It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'.'
Tech                 : 'Insert the MS Word setup disk.'
Customer          : 'What?'
Tech                 : 'Did you buy MS word?'
Customer          : 'No...'
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4) Customer      : 'Do I need a computer to use your software?'
Tech                 : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)
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5) Tech             : 'Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer          : 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
Tech                 : ##### ***
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6) Tech             : 'What type of computer do you have?'
Customer          : 'A white one.'
Tech                 : ******_____####  
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7) Tech             : 'What operating system are you running?'
Customer          : 'Pentium.'
Tech                 : ////-----+++
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8). Customer     : 'My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion.'
Tech                 : ??????
9).Cus tomer     : 'I have Microsoft Exploder.'
Tech                 : ?!%#$
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10).Customer     : 'How do I print my voicemail?'
Tech                 : ??????
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11). Customer    : 'You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly.'

Tech                 : 'What does it say?'
Customer          : 'Something about an error and non-system disk.'
Tech                 : 'Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?'
Customer          : 'No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside.'
Tech                 : @@@@@
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12). Tech           : 'Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours.'
Customer          : 'Is that Eastern time?'
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13). Tech           : 'What does the screen say now?'
Customer          : 'It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'.'
Tech                 : 'Well?'
Customer          : 'How do I know when it's ready?'
Tech                 : *** ---- ++++
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The best of the lot

14)  A plain computer illiterate guy rings Tech Support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech     : What's the problem?
User     : There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech     : (keeps quite)
Tech     : You'll need a new power supply.
User     : No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech     : Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User     : No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

Tech     : 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech     : (hush hush)
Tech     : Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.

User     : I knew it!
Tech     : Just add the line LOAD
NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS . Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User     : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech     : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User     : MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech     : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.
User     : I need a new power supply.
Tech     : How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech     : (hush hush)
User     : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech     : Then what did he say?
User     : He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
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Height Of all (Too Good)

15) Customer care officer            :I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in finding it out?

Cust     : sure
CCO     : could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust     : I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?





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